HUNTING FOR TELETUBBIES

Mikhail Yakovlevich Gundos was an experienced hunter. However he shamefully got confused by a sudden "hi-hi" squeal from behind the bush. Mikhail Yakovlevich mistook it for a young piglet's scream. He instantly shouldered his gun and fired at random. In a second he was facing a large dead teletubby.

Please remember: if you have a chance to kill a teletubby, avoid eating it. These species are known as carriers of such parasites as tapeworms and ascariasis. They are also often infected with staphylococcus and erysipelas.

What else you need to know about Teletubbies

Teletubbies are ideal for laboratory use. They are especially good for conducting narcotic medications experiments. Unlike rats or other traditional laboratory animals, Teletubbies don't require direct injections of medication. Television sets implanted in their abdomenal cavity perfect for conducting so called "noncontact" testings.

The procedure is the following: laboratory teletubby should be exposed to rays transmitted by an average-power television aerial. This provides the narcotic doze transportation directly into the teletubby's organism. Since this way of treating doesn't affect any of its vital functions, one teletubby can be used in testings for a considerably long period of time.

Possible side effects

• Easily addicted: teletubies always feel underdosed, regardless of how much medication you give them. They would always ask you to repeat.
• General dormancy: Don't expect your teletubby to show signs of life when irradiated with dope. They are classified as one of the slowest and dumbest sort of mutant-clones anyway.
• Mind the regimen: As you may know, teletubbies do not have an anal orifice. Basically, they do have one; it is situated in the upper part of the cephalothorax, in the gullet. In the other words, they have one same opening for both the anus and mouth. It means that if you show any imprudence while feeding your teletubby, it may result in abundant egesta of "tubby custard" apperaing from its mouth.